Starring Bruce Willis, Jesse Metcalfe, Lala Kent. Or just stare at your wall for an hour and a half. Do yourself a favor and watch literally anything else. This movie is so bad that I started thinking about cleaning out my closet, a job so unpleasant that I’ve been avoiding it for years. It’s annoying, poorly made, and generally inane. By the 35-minute mark, I had given up entirely and was debating the merits of leaping out my window to play in traffic. By the thirty-minute-mark, I began wondering if I might be better off just watching Home Alone and Rambo side by side. I have a pretty high tolerance for stupid in action movies, but this is too much even for me. Stabbings, shootings, hand-to-hand combat – you know, the usual. The profanity is sprinkled pretty evenly throughout, but the violence escalates drastically in the second half. This movie stays true to genre, with the biggest concerns being profanity and violence. Hard Kill didn’t bother to make any part of the movie good in the first place, so this is just 98 minutes of melodramatic idiocy with two coats of fake blood. It works because the stunts and the action are so compelling and well-choreographed. I’ll defend the John Wick franchise – each movie is two hours of incredible action stitched loosely together with some vague revenge narrative. Look, I’m all for brainless dumb action movies. A real dumpster fire if ever there was one. Worse, every time they say it the movie feels more and more like a promo ad for some kind of WWE matchup.Īpart from being absolute trash, Hard Kill is poorly made and irritating trash. The primary antagonist spends most of the movie being referred to as “The Pardoner”, which apart from being a terrible nickname for a radical terrorist, doesn’t strike me as the kind of name anyone would use. The characters are, at best, cardboard cutouts and, at worst, a random jumble of behavioral clichés with no real personality. It is, for lack of a better word, mind-numbingly stupid in almost every respect. This movie feels like it was written by a 15-year-old Tom Clancy fan with a serious concussion. When police detective Mason Storm (Steven Seagal) uncovers ties among corrupt cops, the mob and charismatic politician Vernon Trent (Bill Sadler), a hit is ordered on his family. Underprepared and outgunned, Miller and his team are going to have to find a way to defeat The Pardoner and stop Chalmers’ new technology from falling into dangerous hands – but whose hands are the most dangerous now? But there’s more to this job than Miller has been told…Ĭhalmers’ real goal is to lure The Pardoner to an abandoned warehouse and use Miller’s team to wipe him out – not that he told Miller that when he hired him. He and his elite team of dangerous killers have just been hired by tech billionaire Chalmers (Bruce Willis) to protect him from radical local terrorist “The Pardoner” (Servio Rizzuto). Following his career in the army, Derek Miller (Jesse Metcalfe) found work as a private military contractor, a gun-for-hire for the uber-rich.
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